After a solid 4 years of abuse,⁽¹⁾ my Shure E3c’s died on me about 6 months ago. The plug was exposed and the innards were dangling everywhere–I thought all hope was lost, so I just stuck with my ghetto iBuds. Eventually, after about 6 months of abuse, my iBuds died and only the left side worked. And slowly but surely I became desensitived to what music is supposed to sound like–any sort of noise that resembled a melody was enough for me.

It’s all a matter of perspective though. Last month, I decided to try to revive my Shures and got myself a cheapo-soldering kit and stereo plug from RadioShack⁽²⁾. Now, the RadioShack bling is a little more attention than I’d like to draw to myself, but it’s usually in my pocket, hidden from view so I don’t mind.

After a good solid month, I’m happy to report they are as amazing as I remember. I got the chance to compare them to the new replacements, Shure SE310s, and a set of Ultimate Ears super.fi5 vi’s and super.fi5 pros. All three are super nice, but none of them are good enough to convince me to buy a new set.

They’re amazing. If you’ve never had a chance to use IEMs, you need to. Suddenly, I’m hearing reverb where I couldn’t hear it before and I swear you can hear the pick hit the strings on a few Mayer songs.

1. Two trips to Africa. Two trips through the washing machine. Countless drops into the show. One time I was running and accidentally yanked it out of my ear and then stepped on it.
2. $15 for both, after tax

I like to name my expensive toys. My car was Shar!!ricka.⁽²⁾ My guitar was Taryn. My amp is Brad. My laptop is Captain Oats. My beard was Captain Ahab–wait, nevermind.

Anyways… I need help choosing a name for my camera, but I decided on a theme.

I want to name it after a female singer. My love for female singer/songwriters is no secret…

The options are:

1) Rachael – Like Yamagata. Just wish me the best and hope I find whatever I’m looking for.

2) Schuyler – As in Fisk (and pronounced SKY-ler). Because I’ve been this way with so many before, but it feels like the first.

3) Jenny – Lewis. Because she’s⁽³⁾ got the moneymaker.

4) Ingrid – Like Michaelson. Because–as we learned from my last camera–they are so fragile, so breakable, breakable, breakable.

5) Priscilla – As in Ahn. Because in this town, I just wanna shoot ‘em down.

6) Deb – Like Talan of The Weepies. Because I try to be honest, try to be kind, try to leave when I know that it’s time.

Thanks for voting.

1. For the record, I think both “in the wake” and “this historic election” are the most cliched phrases in the history of instant news and mass broadcasting.
2. Pronounced Shar-[cluck] [cluck]-reeka
3. The camera. Not Jenny. Well, Jenny too… but in that instance I meant the camera.

Don’t worry, kiddos. I have to go to an interview tomorrow morning so I shaved it off… It’s gone.

Captain Ahab, you will be missed. One day, I will have 5 weeks of nothing important and we will reunite. (Perhaps we will even grow⁽¹⁾ into something worth writing home about.)

Until then, bon voyage.

1. Pun intended.

This isn’t another revision. Just some things for the commited viewers who still don’t use RSS:

• I added “Most Recent Comments” on the sidebar over there —>
• I changed the gallery template to match my existing photo template. No more tiny “next” and “previous” button at the bottom of the screen.
• Old articles that have no reread value to my friends, but high value to first time visitors (like the iPhone how-to’s), will now have an additional two blocks of ads on them. Hey, hosting this website isn’t cheap, kids.
• I’m going to start moving my Yelp reviews over to my blog… Slowly but surely.

Seriously, it’s driving me insane that mid- to late-twentysomethings in graduate school STILL cannot differentiate between affect and effect. This is graduate school, yo… This isn’t remedial high school English. You should know these things.

So let’s review…

Affect is most commonly used as a verb and means “to bring about a change in” or “to have an influence on.” E.g., This crazy economy has affected my decision to buy a yatch. Less commonly, it can also mean “to fake” as in I affected compassion for the filthy rich Wall Streeters. In both cases, it is used as a verb.

Effect is most commonly used as a noun and means “the result (brought about by something else)” or, less often, can mean “full potential” (felt the full effect of) or “general idea” (something to that effect). E.g., Her words had an immediate effect with the audience.

Now both together… “Her words affected the crowd profoundly. The effect was evident.”

If you follow the rule that affect is a verb and effect is a noun, you’ll be right almost all the time. Effects are the result of something affecting something else. Affect is what something does to something else. (I affected the outcome of the lotto.) Effect is the change. (My cheating had an effect on the lotto.)

Now for the exception (because English rules always have exceptions). Affect is often used as a noun in psychology and can mean a state somebody is in. (Negative affects are depression, anxiousness, etc) And effect can be used as a verb when you are bringing about something new. Her smoking effected other health issues would mean that smoking caused other health issues which did not previously exist. If instead I said Her smoking affected other health issues, then I would be saying that her smoking had an effect (influence) on other previously existing health problems.

As you can see, the differences between the two are often substantial. Using one when you mean another will drastically change the meaning of your sentence AND can (quite possibly) make you look really dumb in front of your peers.

EDIT: Results here.

Details after the jump.

Electoral College Votes:
Obama: 353
McCain: 185

Popular Vote (without 3rd party):
Obama: 55%
McCain: 45%

And all the obvious things too — record turnout (especially in Georgia, minority populations, and young voters), Ohio will have a record turnout as a result of Obama’s impressive ground campaign, etc. Most polls have given NC a dead heat and some are leaning McCain, but I still think it’s going to go Obama. McCain will take GA but it will be a lot closer than most people are giving it. We’ll also see that the poll methodology of most newspapers were way off and will be revamped for future elections to include cellphone-only citizens.

Make your own map here.

Oh, and as an added bonus, I’m going to predict that Proposition Hate 8 in California loses by a slim margin of <2% and this whole ridiculous ordeal gets dragged out for another 2 election periods.

Don’t comment unless you’re brave enough to put your own predictions out in a public domain.

Mr. Wilde and I would not have gotten along. Not one bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining and I know I’m well above the $1-a-day sustenance level of sub-Saharan Africans, but being poor in New York is not like being poor in San Diego. It’s like a science out here… Therefore, this is what I’ve resorted to:

• Actually going to grad student events. Not because I want to or because I think they have things to offer me or even because I want to socialize — just because they almost always have free food and drinks.
• Not eating. It’s overrated and Americans eat too much anyways. I’m calling it the USSR diet. However, even in a bankrupt communist society, you occasionally have to eat so when I do, I eat cheap. Really cheap. Get me some Gray's Papaya — $3.50 for two hot dogs and a drink. Maybe if I’m feeling like a particularly large spender that night, I’ll pick up some Mamoun’s — pita bread and humus for $2 after tax? Nice.
• Taking NoDoz again. A large bottle of NoDoz will run you about $10. That’s something like 12 grams of caffeine which comes out to about $.83/gram. A cup of Starbucks has about 400mg of caffeine at about $2.50 per cup, which means you’re paying $6.25/gram of caffeine. And don’t tell me you’re actually paying for that garbage because it tastes good.
• Shoving all my laundry into one load. I used to be really anal about my laundry. I used refused to let my mom do my laundry… I used to split it up by whites and colors and then dry it by fabric weight… All that, right out the window now… Pink socks are back in.

And soon, I will be selling my body. Now I’ve thought this through and I’ve looked through all the clinic trials websites to see if I was eligible⁽¹⁾, I’ve considered trying to sell a kidney in Canada but I think I only have one so I might need that⁽²⁾, and if I had eggs, you bet I’d sell those suckers in a hurry.⁽³⁾

It looks like the only things I can sell right now are:

1. My body as an escort to the old women at the golf clubs.⁽⁴⁾
2. My services while I flip some illusions at night.⁽⁵⁾
3. My plasma!

If anybody else wants to join me in selling their plasma, it’s a pretty sweet deal. Up to twice a week, $35 per visit, and you get some OJ and a cookie after. Another benefit, you lose all your water so it won’t take much for you to get to your new lower drinking limit — save some money when you go out too. I’ve done it before — it’s safe!

See, NYU? This is what your stingy scholarship office has driven me too…

1. I’m not.
2. Not kidding.
3. Again, not kidding.
4. Always Sunny reference in case you missed that.
5. Arrested Development reference that time.

In any chance event, when the event happens repeatedly, the actual results will tend to be the calculated, or planned, results.

That is the law of large numbers, one of the many great principles proposed by Jacob Bernoulli 1700s.⁽¹⁾ Bernoulli is basically saying that any random occurrence, if repeated enough, will average out to the theoretical (calculated) value. So flipping a coin once or twice may not get the value we would expect (heads 50% of the time, tails 50% of the time), but if we did it over the course of 100, 1000, or 100 million times, it would get increasingly close to 50% on average.

According to this, I should be hitting some free stuff from a vending machine at time now…My entire life can be broken down into chapters using events where I’ve been robbed by a vending machine. Nobody has gotten jacked as often as I have. I’m not kidding — it is actually really bad.

For example, I once got jacked out of a quarter by one of those stupid, old-school bubble gum machines. A bubble gum machine! Those things are the most basic machine in the history of vending machines! You can shove a Canadian coin in there and it’ll work! CANADIAN CURRENCY! C’mon! Canada?! Do they even have an army with guns? Population the size of California and the only member of the G8 that isn’t actually a world power and one of two on the G8 that isn’t actually a Top 8 economy? Yeah, those stupid machines will take Canadian coins on accident, but my money is no good.

I’ve gotten jacked by a soda machine once that not only refused to give me a coke on my first dollar, but on my second dollar (the next week), it actually tore it in thirds and spit out two-thirds of it just to add a little salt to the wound. I would have felt better if it just kept my dollar but instead, it rips it up.

I thought things were on the upswing though. This summer, I was getting something from a vending machine and saw a bag of chips that had fallen out of the slot but not to the bottom of the machine. Despite not wanting any chips at all, I knew this was my chance to get back at all those vending machines so I ordered a second bag of chips (directly above the hanging one) and when it fell it hit the first bag and BAM! I got two bags for the price of one.

I was actually really proud of myself even though I didn’t want chips. First, I’m Asian and genetically predisposed to being unreasonably cheap. Second, I just got $1.50 for free. As life would have it, I ate both bags and ended up getting a stomach ache, but that’s beyond the point. Revenge is not painless.

Fast-forward to today. I didn’t eat breakfast and decided to grab some Pop Tarts from the vending machine. Fed it my two dollars and entered E7 and waited. And wait. Machine didn’t even make a sound. It didn’t pop out my $.50 in change. It didn’t even attempt to turn the little screw to drop my breakfast. Didn’t even make a noise. Taunting me with its silence. So not only did I get my $1.50 for the candy jacked, I even got my change jacked.

It’s not about the money. It’s only $1.50. That’s not even enough to get you on the subway in this city. Some places charge more than $1.50 just to use their bathroom. $1.50 will get you 1/11th of a cocktail in Manhattan or 1/4th of a beer during happy hour. Even the McDonald’s dollar menu here is actually the $1.50 menu. This is not about the money.

It’s about the principle of it. I’m due. I’m so overdue, the next time I walk in front of a vending machine, it should topple over and spill all of it’s contents out. Or maybe the next time I put in a dollar, it’ll spit out $50 in quarters. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I know I am definitely owed something big.

1. He also thought up the Bernoulli principle — a basic principle in fluid dynamics and one of the theories about why airplanes can fly.

I’ve met a person who uses Purell like it’s lotion. I’ve met a person who refuses to touch anything on the subway — including handrails, seats, and other human beings. I’ve met somebody somebody who plays “Guess what disease that stranger is going to die from…” when she’s bored.⁽¹⁾

Now, I’ve developed my own ridiculous habits.

I’m super paranoid about obesity and heart disease. If somebody is smoking within 40 yards of me in any direction, I run to the nearest building and hide inside until they leave. I’ve resorted to only taking stairs whenever possible — even when I have classes on the 7th floor.⁽²⁾ And I swear I even do calf raises on my way up the stairs. I’m going to have some seriously toned legs before this program is over. I powerwalk to the subway and back⁽³⁾

That’s serious stuff! Did you know obesity decrease 6 years of your life expectancy? And smoking decreases it by up to 10 years?! That’s insane!

Ironically, just midway through the first week of this, I broke a scale while weighing myself. Seriously. Broke it.

I’m going to die from some sort of obesity-related disease. GAHHHH!

1. It’s almost always cardiovascular or cancer, btw.
2. And we’re not talking 7 sissy flights either. I’m talking the-stairs-of-death-on-the-X-lot-at-SDSU or the-stairs-so-high-they-require-a-little-rest-area-midway-up at Mesa College kind of caliber stairs.
3. And that’s especially bad because my New York walk is already fast.

Jill Greenberg has got some serious cojones..

I am not a big fan of her work. I mean she’s just not a very talented photographer — in fact, I’d say she’s proof you don’t have to have talent to be a famous “artist”. She has a singular style that defines her and that style is overdone, overplayed, and, quite frankly, unimpressive. She makes kids cry for the sake of art. She takes photos of monkeys and people think its revolutionary. She twists truths and often outright lies for her own benefit.

Just not a fan.

Nevertheless, the manipulation she did to John McCain during a shoot for The Atlantic was nothing but pure guts. I will definitely give her that.

Here is a man who may soon be the most powerful man in the world and she went around and took a photo of him for the cover and purposely left it untouched to show his creepy red eyes and really nasty skin.⁽¹⁾ Then she put him up against a wall and flashed him from below in such a way as to cast a creepy devil shadow on the wall behind him. She, of course, did that in front of McCain’s handlers who she then later said were not very “sophisticated” since they didn’t notice. THEN she goes on to say it was The Atlantic’s own fault for hiring her since she is a well-known Democrat.

I’m not going to post up the photos here because she’s a crazy lawyer-happy woman and I don’t wanna get got by secret service, but if you want to view the photos, you can go to her website: manipulator.com and the McCain photos are mixed in with her animal and baby photos. Just keep hitting refresh until you get a new one.

There were five different McCain photos that I saw…

1. “I called my wife a c*** in front of reporters.”^(2)(3)(4)
2. “I am a bloodthirsty warmongerer.”
3. “It was really fun to cheat on my car-injury-disabled first wife.”⁽⁵⁾⁽⁶⁾
4. Uncaptioned ugly portrait.
5. Shadow on the background.

Still not a fan of her, but that takes some crazy to do something like that. If McCain gets elected and Greenberg mysteriously gets disappeared–you heard it here first.

Matt

1. Normally, that’s not a big deal, but Jill Greenberg is ridiculous with her postprocessing — she retouches photos like of already gorgeous people as if they were hideous.
2. Revealed in a book: The Real McCain.
3. He also called her a trollop which might not hurt the ears as much but I think is more offensive.
4. His reason was that he was having a long day. Which is ok, because presidents never have those…
5. Old news but I guess it never really gained much traction.
6. And, yes, this is politically relevant considering how much of his platform was based on good Christian values.